My boyfriend is convinced one of our neighbours doesn’t like him. And despite the fact that he doesn’t particularly like this neighbour, he mentions it all the time, devising ways the neighbour will suddenly warm to him and realise what a great guy he is. (Note: he is a great guy and most people like him which is partly why this is quite the conundrum for him.)
When I ask why he cares, he tells me he doesn’t – just ‘finds it weird that he randomly doesn’t like me.’
To be honest, I don’t think the neighbour even thinks about him that much but I replied that the neighbour probably didn’t like me either, so who cares?
‘I don’t care – I just wonder why he doesn’t like me.’
Thus proving me right (something he hates) and the point that he does, in fact, care.
I personally think it’s a waste of time to worry about it. But he made the excellent point that while he was wasting his time thinking about the neighbour, I’d wasted the past hour deciding whether I should buy the beige or white version of the knit jumper that just went on sale.
He got me there. (Something I hate.)
It made me think about how we waste our thoughts, our precious brain power on inconsequential things.
(For those wondering, I bought the white in the end but not without a lot of deliberation.)
I’ve never been good with my left and my rights – which I understand is an embarrassing thing to admit at 31 years old, but it’s just not how my brain works. I can write 4,000 words in a day, no worries – but ask me to pass something on my left and I have to think about it for a second. (And maybe flex my fingers so I can see which hand makes an L shape.)
One time I was driving my mother-in-law and she said ‘left here’ and pointed right. I dutifully followed her finger and then – after checking my hands – said, ‘I think that was right.’
She replied, unbothered, ‘I’ve never been good with my left and right.’
I said, ‘Me either!’
And her response is one I’ve taken very seriously: ‘Yeah, Bel that’s because we’ve got more important sh*t to think about than our bloody left and rights.’ (I use that line regularly now.)
We don’t often consider what we’re spending our time thinking about, whether we are in fact using our mental energy to think about the important sh*t or not. Sure, we say things like ‘I’m not going to waste my time worrying about it’ – but I would hazard a guess that 80% of the time, we do end up wasting our time worrying about it.
According to estimates, the average adult makes over 35,000 decisions per day – some small ones like ‘should I have a second coffee?’ and some big ones like ‘which shoes should I wear today?’ – and each of those decisions requires brain power.
It’s why many successful and effective people deliberately remove easy and inconsequential daily choices. Relying on practices like morning routines – so they can do things instinctively without using (or ‘wasting’) any brain power on decisions like ‘Corn Flakes or Weetbix?’ – or wearing the same thing each day.
Steve Jobs infamously wore his signature black turtleneck each day for that very reason – he understood that he had a finite capacity of brainpower and didn’t want to waste it.
Obama, while president, only ever wore a black or navy suit each day – less choice.
Hell, it’s why Albert Einstein was reportedly known for just owning several variations of the same grey suit.
While I don’t have any examples of women that wore the same thing each day (read into that what you will), many successful women are big advocates of morning routines – including Oprah Winfrey, Arianna Huffington, Jessica Alba and countless other successful and creative women.
Side note: if you’re interested in routines, check out Extraordinary Routines – it’s fantastic.
If we only have a limited capacity to make well-thought out decisions, do we really want to waste our brain power and mental energy worrying if someone likes us – or if we should buy the white or the beige?
Answer: no – and just buy both.
John Tierney, the coauthor of the New York Times bestselling book “Willpower,” says,
“Decision fatigue helps explain why ordinarily sensible people get angry at colleagues and families, splurge on clothes, buy junk food at the supermarket and can’t resist the dealer’s offer to rustproof their new car. No matter how rational and high-minded you try to be, you can’t make decision after decision without paying a biological price. It’s different from ordinary physical fatigue — you’re not consciously aware of being tired — but you’re low on mental energy.”
‘Mentally draining’ is a common phrase because it’s also 110% accurate – we don’t have an endless supply of mental energy. Overthinking, anxiety, and lots of heavy decision-making physically drains us.
Of course, when something is bothering you, it’s easier said than done to just stop thinking about it. But what we spend our time thinking, deciding and worrying about matters – and learning to notice and redirect is a powerful skill.
Be considerate of what you spend your precious thoughts and mental energy on – don’t waste it.
So honey, please don’t spend a second more thinking about that neighbour on our right – or is it left? Oh, who cares – I’ve got more important sh*t to think about.
Please note: since writing this blog it’s been discovered that our neighbour does in fact like my boyfriend – quite a fan of his, actually. (But I still stand by that it was a waste of his mental energy.)