When one becomes a parent there is info flying – or often hurling – at you left, right and centre. Most has to be experienced to be understood – no matter how much your mum, Aunt Cathy, Shelly from down the road or a girl you went to school with posts on Facebook tells you, it isn’t until you’ve survived a night of cluster feeding and the Day 4 Baby Blues that you’ll truly understand.
However, there are a coupla things I wish someone had said to me – would’ve saved me a few tears and ‘OMG I’M THE WORST/WHAT IS HAPPENING/I’M LOSING IT’ etc mind rants.
Postpartum healing is full on
Even if you were one with nature and had the smoothest birth, you’ve still either delivered a baby from your vagina or had a c-section which is MAJOR surgery.
I was blessed with preeclampsia meaning I had lots of other fun medical issues post-baby – including fainting not once, but TWICE when we tried to leave the hospital.
Your body has been through ~trauma~ so no point acting like it hasn’t. Take it easier than a Sunday morning, take it even easier than those weird days between Christmas and New Years when everyone is eating leftovers and no one has any idea what day it is.
My point? If someone hasn’t said it, I will: you’re recovering while also learning how to care for/survive this demanding little human – it’s physically, emotionally and mentally draining all at once. Go easy. Rest more. Let yourself heal.
Some babies HATE the bassinet
My mum would have told me except that all three of her kids happily slept in a bassinet, as well as through the night from 6-14 weeks old.
We tried two different bassinets and a cot before we realised ‘hey, it’s not just us – she positively hates it.’ If Matilda had the option, she would only EVER sleep on/with/tangled around me. None of this ‘I sleep alone in the bassinet/cot’ nonsense. (Honestly, she’d be dead asleep in your arms but once you popped her down flat on her back, tightly swaddled – as recommended – her eyes would go BING. It’d kill you.)
It’s not you, it’s THEM – some babies just hate to sleep on their backs, alone, in a crib.
(And if anyone at your parent’s group makes it out like it’s you – they’re wrong. It’s not their magical parenting, they just have a baby who likes to sleep/sleep alone/sleep on their back.)
Stock up your freezer
Because you are hungry ALL THE TIME. If someone offers to cook, SAY YES AND ASK FOR EXTRA. Load that freezer up, girl. No one will feel like cooking come dinner time, but you will be famished. (Also: snacks.)
Alternatively, buy an air-fryer or toasted sandwich maker – toasted sandwiches were, quite literally, our bread and butter. (My partner makes a cracking toasted sandwich.)
To be fair, people hinted at it but I underestimated just how hungry I’d be/how badly we would not-want-to-cook. My mother-in-law, dad, mum, and best friends all cooked for us and it was such a relief when they did. My pantry (and freezer) was only stocked thanks to my mother-in-law.
If there ever is a next time (God, help me), my freezer will be locked and loaded.
Late arvo/pre-evening anxiety is normal
I was speaking to a girlfriend around 4pm one day, a couple weeks in, and I told her I was starting to feel jittery and stressed. She replied, ‘ohh the pre-bedtime anxious feeling, I hated that.’
THANK GOD SHE SAID THAT.
I realised that it was that rascal Anxiety taking over my brain and body around 4pm as the day lead into another (very likely wakeful) night and that it was TOTALLY NORMAL. Who wouldn’t be anxious when faced with the torture of a sleepless night and a crying baby?
Fortunately, the pre-bedtime anxiety does pass. Unfortunately, it only passes because you adapt to waking up every two hours.
Overtired babies become more hyperactive
You’d think that the longer they’re awake, the longer they’ll sleep. WRONG. Oh, so very, very wrong. Sleep encourages sleep, meanwhile awake encourages full blow meltdowns.
Rather than becoming lethargic, when babies are overtired it triggers their stress responses to flood their bodies with cortisol and adrenaline – a medical way of saying that overtiredness essentially, excuse my language, turns them bat sh*t crazy.
Avoid an overtired baby at all costs.
Things I’m glad people told me…
“You’re doing a good job” – it meant a lot, every time.
“Nothing is forever” – it’s my 2am mantra.
You can’t over-love or spoil a newborn – love and cuddles are critical to them feeling safe.
Try (operative word being try) to breastfeed until 6 weeks if you can – it often gets easier after that. (It did for me.)
You know your baby best.
Do whatever works.